Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
