I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
