FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is Oprah even human
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
