I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
