I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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