If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
