I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I didn't notice because vodka
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
