I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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