now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
