alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
