Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
