I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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