can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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