Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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