we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
