I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
