So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
