so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
