we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The air was thick with penises
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm both gender and math confused
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