just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
