I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
