your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize