So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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