I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
