My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
