Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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