I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
