so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize