That's intense
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
