i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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