I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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