It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
