are you still at the devil's house?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
