I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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