you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
