I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
