He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
not ubering you a puppy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
