I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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