I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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