Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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