i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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