Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there was a trapeze. enough said
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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