i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The ass gains better be worth it
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