Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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