Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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