dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
