when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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