Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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