i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
