so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
