Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
