Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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