Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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