we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
