Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
FUCK WHALES
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