CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
