Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
