Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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