how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
