im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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