haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
