But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
