I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
