soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
