The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
