Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want nice things and good sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
