my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
