YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
