She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
