my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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