My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
